if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
