Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
