A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
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