Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
