Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
