My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
