I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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