I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
