You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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