I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
