Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Randomize
