i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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