oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
