i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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