I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
