this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Green mimosas i think yes
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
