WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
