so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
