why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
dude i'm inner monologue high
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
