hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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