my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
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