Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
