The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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