i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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