Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
