So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
