I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
There's always time for handjobs
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
