if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Randomize
