So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
