I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
