it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
