you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
