I met the friendliest cop last night
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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