oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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