what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
