Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
