dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I would fuck him just for his dog
You ruined the universe
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
