I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
