The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
