I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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