were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize