see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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