Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
