I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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