we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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