Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
