You smell like stripper and shame
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
