Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
