Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
