so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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