drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I think your dad took our porno
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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