i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
