Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
