Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
