allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize