Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
