I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize