hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
