can u get pink eye on your cock?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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