I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize