i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
He passed out mid-signature
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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