It's like God shit irony all over that family
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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