I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
