i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Randomize
