I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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