____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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