Don't make out with my wife yet
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
