i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize