I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
