She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
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