Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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