dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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