And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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