Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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