I'm eating all of the evidence.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
