I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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