Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
