Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
