the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
