I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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